I feel cold and empty inside and empty of fellowship.  My son, Tom, and brother, John, are my only real life  contacts.  Bonnie Fairchild (sister-in-law before my wife died) is a loving person and treats me as a friend from time to time.  She has her own life, though, and I have mine.  My son, Tom, is my only real companion.  My daughter, Erica, loves me but has her own life now that she got married.  That is to be expected and accepted. 

None of the psychologists I have gone to over the decades has ever helped me be normal.  I was
crippled as a child.  I spent two years isolated in a bedroom, lying on a bed with a body cast on from my chest down to my toes.  I almost never left my bed, let alone my bedroom.  Isolation was the norm.  I hardly ever saw my father.  Mother came in to help me with the bed pan and she washed my face and hands and fed me.  Never did either of my parents play with me - neither back then nor any time after.  Only when I entered into my teens did he pay attention to me.  He had has good side and bad side.   Later in life he helped me get into a viable business and my mother became my secretary.
They redeemed themselves.  I just wish I wasn't so abandoned when I was a child.  I couldn't even get out of  bed (I had a body cast on) 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, month after month.  I was taken out of that room every few months to go to the hospital to have my cast changed as I grew.

Terrible memories of that time  haunt me.  I was severely damaged mentally and emotionally.  I did not develop properly.  No friends.  My mother was  a nurse, not a mother.  No one read to me or  participated in my education.  I had a home room teacher that came for about an hour twice a week.

My brain could NOT have developed properly under those conditions.  I was kept in that bedroom all day and all night week after week, month after month.  I was in that room for 2 years.  Not a single friend visited me.  I was never with my sister.  She was never in my room. My father rarely ever entered and I never saw my sister.  For two years, she was a stranger.

My 3 brothers only saw me at night when we slept together in a small room.  Gil, the oldest, spent time playing a pretend game with me using his fingers as puppets.  That was all we had.  His fingers.  No games, no nothing.  Just him and his fingers.  I was in a fantasy as would any 7 year old  be.