Blood 130  YaaaaaY!!!!
8:16 AM  10/31/18

Have you heard of the aardvark
 that had amnesia?  I told him, "You're an aardvark".
  Then  he denied it saying, "I ant eater!"

                Commander Data was being given a tune up by Jordi.  "Captain," he said.  "This is going to require a reprogramming." 

"Make it so," Piccard replied.

Data then started making uniforms.  Jordi made him sew.

25

                After losing his job, the captain of the Enterprise got a job as a magician.  "Piccard," he would say, "any card."

Sugar level 238.   Don't know why.  Maybe I eat too much.

A member of an atheistic country was arrested for transporting a cargo of cheese on his WARSHIP for the purpose of selling the cargo (illegally) for a profit.  The government didn’t charge him with profiteering( as described above), but because he was “warshipping cheeses.”  (Worshipping Jesus)

Come on!  Laugh out loud!    You KNOW that was funny.    Worshipping Jesus: Warshipping cheeses!   They SOUND the same!  FUNNY!   Let's see some encouragement here!  Tell  your friends. They'll laugh too.  Don't tell your clergy.  They don't like play on words with worshipping and especially for "Jesus".  Otherwise, the ministry will laugh out loud.  They're the nice ones who aren't so stuck up with the details.  Comment good or bad and tell me why.

Blood 154 924 AM  1029/16
Christianity and charity at its  best:
I was a member of Big Brothers of America for 2 little boys for a number of years.  I fostered a needy child for several years to help her parents until they could get back on their feet.  I was planning to adopt her.  This was because of a single verse in the Bible: "Pure religion and undefiled before God is this:  To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction and keep yourself unspotted from the world.   I endorse the saying of Jesus and encourage this activity.  It is Christianity.  Of course, this is just one of many things  you can do. My brother, John, has ministered to me without hesitation as he takes me to the doctors and makes sure I take my medicines.  His Christianity is well known and "what goes around comes around" is a nice saying about him.  He is a true Christian. 

My brother, Gilbert, does many things too by making sure I take my medicines that John has prepared for me in a pill box.   John  transports me to my doctor visits.  He is loving and kind like Gil is.  Please comment in this log.  What have you done to help others?   I'd like you to share this information.  Follow Jesus' example of what it means to be Christian (or another charitable group).  Follow Gil's example for he is a loving man.  Please follow the people who adopt children or obey Jesus' example.  Your reward will be great on Earth and in Heaven.

Sugar 189  906 AM  101/20/18

When I was a kid my mom told me, "I want you to hang up your shirt near the nick nack until your dad gets home."  As I tried to do so my shirt rebelled!  "Why are you so disturbed?" I asked my shirt.  "Well," said the shirt.  "If you were told you were to be hung by the neck until dad, wouldn't you be filled with hangar too?"

PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK ABOUT MY JOKES

CARLMDOBBSPROGRAMMER@GMAIL.COM OR  WRITE ME A RESPONSE ON MY SITE.

PLEASE SHARE A JOKE OF YOUR OWN IF  YOU WANT.

Blood 177    1:56 AM  10/28/18

Teacher: Johnny!  You do so will in all your subjects except  in arithmetic!  It seems like you leave a lot of the answers blank!  Why is this?
                “Because the problem requires me to subtract the number 4 from something!” he replied.

                “Why is that important?” she asked.

                “My mommy says it’s evil!

                The puzzled teacher paused.  “Why is it evil?” she asked.

                “Because you said that subtracting is negating, didn’t you?   It’s like every time you put a minus sign in front of a number you’re negating it, right?  Isn’t that what you said?
                “Why, yes.  It makes the 4 a negative number.  Why is that evil?
                “My mommy said it is a sin to be a four-negator!”

Thomas’s jokes: The Three Little Pigs  (Tom is my 32 year old son.

“Well here I am, the so called big bad wolf, rotting in jail.

All because the news media didn’t think the truth was good enough to make a story out of. You think you know the true story of the three little pigs? Well guess what, you don’t”

It all started in a cottage out in the woods. I was feeling a little bit sick but I had to make a birthday cake for my sister. When suddenly I realized that I was one cup of sugar short.

So I just thought I would try asking around to see if some of my neighbors had any to spare. First I came to a house of straw. Then I knocked on the door and said “Little pig, little pig, may I come in?” But only to get the response of “Take a hike loser.” And then suddenly I felt a sneeze coming on. AHH-AHH-AHH-CHHOOOOO! The wind from the sneeze was so powerful that it blew the house of straw to the ground with a little pig dead in the debris. It seem a shame to let a lovely little pork chop like that just go to waste. After all I am a carnivore.

Next I saw a house of sticks. So just like before I went up to the front door and said “Little pig, little pig, may I come in?” But only to get another rude response of “Eat your heart out fur ball.” And then my nose started to tickle another sneeze was coming on. AH-AH-AH-CHOOO! And then just like the house of straw the house of sticks was just a pile of rubble with another poor dead little pig and no one to dispose of the body. But I was still feeling a little bit hungry so well just think of it as a second helping. Next I came to a house of bricks but before I even had a chance to knock on the door I had triggered a hidden security alarm. Within seconds I was surrounded by police and without so much as a trial I was sent strait to jail.

Well now you know what really happened… so any one have a cup of sugar? 

Glood 138  9:10 AM  10/23/18
How many mommies does it take to change a light bulb?  Only one.  She puts the bulb on the changing table then looks for a diaper that is small enough to fit  

The little four year old Katy asked her mommy, "Can I enter kitty cat into the contest at the fair?"
The only contest at the fair was a dog show.  But, not wanting to disappoint her daughter, she agreed.  She went to the judges of the dog contest and explained here little girl's desire.  Being friendly, Joe, the chief judge, gave her a little trophy and said, "Yes, Katy.  Because your cat has such a beautiful tail, you can gave this trophy!"

                Most people who heard about this were praising the judge for his wonderful deed of making a little girl happy.  But some of the ardent dog enthusiasts objected thinking it was a catasstrophy.

IF YOU LIKE OR DISLIKE MY JOKES, PLEASE TELL ME.  I  NEED FEEDBACK.

Blood 154  9:00 AM  10/26/18
Elsie Yagabye must be the most dateable teen‑age girl in the world.  Every time I ask my teen age son, "Where are you going" and "who are you going out to see" he immediately responds, "I'll SEE Ya; G'bye!"    

8              "Henry!  You promised over an hour ago that you would build your son a swing set.  When I come back you're laying down on a hammock in the back yard eating apples!  And to top it off you're spitting the seeds into the middle of the yard!"

                "That shows you how much you know about building swing sets, Sally.  Every father knows that in order to build a swing set you must first GROW A TREE so you can have a limb to hang the tire from."

10/25/18  8:17 PM  144 Blood
How many mommies does it take to change a light bulb?  Only one.  She puts the bulb on the changing table then looks for a diaper that is small enough to fit it.  
'Come on, you mommies out there.   It was funny.  Laugh!

Okay.  How many DADDIES does it take to change a light bulb?  Just one.  He unscrews it then inserts another one and screws it in.  But the light doesn't turn on because a changing table doesn't have an electrical socket for it to fit into.

Okay!  Okay!  They weren't funny to you.  I laughed out loud.  Just  be glad I have a low blood sugar level.

9:22 AM  10/25/18  118 Sugar

 A chicken was flying across town to buy some leather made out of otter's skin as a present for her brother. Getting rather tired, she searched for a place to rest her weary wings.  Looking down, she spied an Easter parade in which a huge crucifix was being carried down the street in

the same direction she happened to be going.  Being an opportunistic fowl, she perched on top of the crucifix.  No one was wondering why the "chicken crossed the road", but rather, why the "chicken rode the cross". Only the chicken knew the answer: "to get to the otter's hide".

Blood 176  7:20 am 10/24/18

One elephant says to another, "How many big game hunters does it take to make a good shish kabob? 

                "How many?"
                Six.  Three on each tusk.

14

IF YOU LIKE MY JOKES, HOW ABOUT SOME FEEDBACK?

Teacher: Johnny!  You do so will in all your subjects except  in arithmetic!  It seems like you leave a lot of the answers blank!  Why is this?
                “Because the problem requires me to subtract the number 4 from something!” he replied.

                “Why is that important?” she asked.

                “My mommy says it’s evil!

                The puzzled teacher paused.  “Why is it evil?” she asked.

                “Because you said that subtracting is negating, didn’t you?   It’s like every time you put a minus sign in front of a number you’re negating it, right?  Isn’t that what you said?
                “Why, yes.  It makes the 4 a negative number.  Why is that evil?
                “My mommy said it is a sin to be a four-negator!”

The alligator with three legs was welcomed into church.  He had three knees.  The four knee gator was kept out.

144 this morning 9:55 AM  10/22/18

Teacher: Johnny!  You do so well in all your subjects except  in arithmetic!  It seems like you leave a lot of the answers blank!  Why is this?
                “Because the problem requires me to subtract the number 4 from something!” he replied.

                “Why is that important?” she asked.

                “My mommy says it’s evil!

                The puzzled teacher paused.  “Why is it evil?” she asked.

                “Because you said that subtracting is negating, didn’t you?   It’s like every time you put a minus sign in front of a number you’re negating it, right?  Isn’t that what you said?
                “Why, yes.  It makes the 4 a negative number.  Why is that evil?
                “My mommy said it is a sin to be a four-negator!”

Measure: 141   9:27 AM  10/22/18

The Herd of Cows

                There was a herd of cows.  Each had its own grassy plot of ground and a place in the barn.  There was, however, one cow, “Elsie”, who was somewhat richer than the other cows.  She had a bigger parcel of land with better, tastier grass and her own stall in the barn that was freshly painted.  The other cows were jealous so they asked Elsie, “How come you’re so much wealthier than we are?”

                She was quick to answer.  “You sell only your milk. I sell them something else!”

                “What else?” they asked.

                “It is rather disgusting so I have to whisper it into your ear.” 

                When she did whisper it the response was as expected.  They all said, “You mean the humans pay you for THAT?
                “Yes theyjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj do,” she said with a chuckle.  And then they all began to laugh.  But do you know who makes a great deal of more money form this than I do?  It’s the Easter Bunny.  He has major contracts with Hershey’s and Nestles.”

Today's  joke What is the male counterpart of a maternity dress?   A paternity suit.

10/21/18 11 21 AM   Blood 144

Dobbs Afternoon 181

Oct 20 18  8:45PM  181 blood.  I took a shot this morning and ill take another one before 5:00 PM

How many bunnies does it take to build the Washington Monument?  Twenty thousand.  Ten to do the blue prints, the rest are for labor.

                `How many elephants does it take to build the Washington Monument?   Fifty one.  Only fifty if they buy the blue prints from the bunnies.

-Blood 250  But I had eaten a meal before and completely forgot my insulin shot!  Sorry for letting you down.  I  just got involved and took an extended nap.  It is 8:39 AM so I'll take my shot right after this blog entry.  It's still early in the morning so I am not that neglectful,

Angry Shirt

When I was a kid my mom told me, "I want you to hang up your shirt until your dad gets home."  As I tried to do so my shirt rebelled!  "Why are you so disturbed?" I asked my shirt.  "Well," said the shirt.  "If you were told you were to be hung by the neck until dad, wouldn't you be filled with hangar too?"

The Herd of Cows

                There was a herd of cows.  Each had its own grassy plot of ground and a place in the barn.  There was, however, one cow, “Elsie”, who was somewhat richer than the other cows.  She had a bigger parcel of land with better, tastier grass and her own stall in the barn that was freshly painted.  The other cows were jealous so they asked Elsie, “How come you’re so much wealthier than we are?”

                She was quick to answer.  “You sell only your milk. I sell them something else!”

                “What else?” they asked.

                “It is rather disgusting so I have to whisper it into your ear.” 

                When she did whisper it the response was as expected.  They all said, “You mean the humans pay you for THAT?

Blood 162  7:53 AM  10//19/18

         JOke of the day:       "John!  Where is that gold watch I asked you to have engraved over two weeks ago?"

"Don't worry Linda.   I took it to the mortician ten days ago and he put it in a grave that same day!"

Blood 155   10/18/18  7:19 AM Took insulin shot this morning. I am quickly running out of needles to pinch my fingers with.

The blood sugar level should be 70 to 130 while fasting (before a meal) or after meal (2 hours after meal) should be 180 or lower.  Avoid carbs. 1 slice of bread has 3 grams carbs.

Elsie Yagabye must be the most dateable teen‑age girl in the world.  Every time I ask my teen age son, "Where are you going" and "who are you going out to see" he immediately responds, "I'll SEE Ya; G'bye!"    

Blood 179 10/15/18 9:08 AM

The Herd of Cows

                There was a herd of cows.  Each had its own grassy plot of ground and a place in the barn.  There was, however, one cow, “Elsie”, who was somewhat richer than the other cows.  She had a bigger parcel of land with better, tastier grass and her own stall in the barn that was freshly painted.  The other cows were jealous so they asked Elsie, “How come you’re so much wealthier than we are?”

                She was quick to answer.  “You sell only your milk. I sell them something else!”

                “What else?” they asked.

                “It is rather disgusting so I have to whisper it into your ear.” 

                When she did whisper it the response was as expected.  They all said, “You mean the humans pay you for THAT?
                “Yes the do,” she said with a chuckle.  And then they all began to laugh.  But do you know who makes a great deal of more money form this than I do?  It’s the Easter Bunny.  He has major contracts with Hershey’s and Nestles.”

Blood 136   10/14/18  1:53 pm

jOKE:

Angry Shirt

When I was a kid my mom told me, "I want you to hang up your shirt until your dad gets home."  As I tried to do so my shirt rebelled!  "Why are you so disturbed?" I asked my shirt.  "Well," said the shirt.  "If you were told you were to be hung by the neck until dad, wouldn't you be filled with hangar too?"

10/30/18  10:26 AM  139 blood.  I am about to take an injection.
JOke: What country  got rid of all of its gas guzzling cars?  Madagascar (Mad at gas car)

Blood 182  7:36 AM 10/12/18

Angry Shirt

When I was a kid my mom told me, "I want you to hang up your shirt until your dad gets home."  As I tried to do so my shirt rebelled!  "Why are you so disturbed?" I asked my shirt.  "Well," said the shirt.  "If you were told you were to be hung by the neck until dad, wouldn't you be filled with hangar too?"

10/11   235 blood.  8:08 AM
Blood: 178 after eating 2 bowls of vegetables.

                How many mommies does it take to change a light bulb?  Only one.  She puts the bulb on the changing table then looks for a diaper that is small enough to fit.

"John!  Where is that gold watch I asked you to have engraved over two weeks ago?"

"Don't worry Linda.   I took it to the mortician ten days ago and he put it in a grave that same day!"

Elsie Yagabye must be the most dateable teen‑age girl in the world.  Every time I ask my teen age son, "Where are you going" and "who are you going out to see" he immediately responds, "I'll SEE Ya; G'bye!"    

Today's joke: There was a mad scientist who created a gigantic fly from his apartment laboratory.  It immediately broke through his wall, flew across the street, crashed through a restaurant window and ate one of the employees!  Not knowing what to do, the mad scientist called his superintendent.  “Supe!  Supe!  There’s a waiter in my fly!”

10/10/18 7:47 AM  193.  However, I ate 3 eggs just before taking the measurement.  I didn't think 4 minutes later that it would skew the reading.  It didn't have a chance to digest at all.  This is probably an anomaly. 

I am now offering services to the general public.
1: Piano teaching (beginners to mid level) in classical music.
2: Public Speaking training
3: MS Access database development for wanna-be professionals or for personal use.
All services only $20.00/hr. at beginners rates.  This is very inexpensive. Compare my rates.
Services rendered in Oxon Hill, MD a few miles from Southern Avenue train station and Suiland MD station.  Easy transportation to my house by bus.

Barron Trump went into his dad's bedroom and tried to wake him but to no avail.  He then called his dog and ordered him to bark.  It worked a MIRACLE!  "The trump pet shall sound and the dad shall be raised."  (Get it? The trumpet shall sound and the dead shall be raised.  From "The Messiah" opera.

Blood 133

10/6/2018  Blood 133.  9:28 PM
Joke of the day: What country got rid of all of its gas guzzling autos?  Madagascar (mad at gas car).

10/05/18 9:56 AM  Blood 111.  JOke: Why is a bee hive big and round?  It's obesity (a bee city).

Blood 170   7:35 PM 10/4/18  I going to take another shot of daily medicine.

Joke of the Day:  Why did the elephant wish he had only one ear?  He didn't want to be too irrelevant (two ear elephant)  Get it?

Why is a bee hive big and round?  It's a bee city (obesity).

What country got rid of all of its gass guzzling autos?
Mad At Gas Car (Madagascar)

Blood: 149  10/4/18  7:39 AM I about to take a shot of insulin and trulicity.

10/1/18   8:47 PM   Blood 311.  I am about to take my injection now.